"I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal." 


"People know me."


"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany."


"By the beard of Zeus!"


"Great Odin's raven!"


"Knights of Columbus, that hurt!"


"Sweet Lincoln's mullet!"


"Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe!"


"Son of a bee-sting!"


[to dog] "You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair."


"I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."


"You've got a dirty whorish mouth."


"I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you."


"I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker."


"And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."


"You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public."


"I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head."


"The human torch was denied a bank loan."


"How now brown cow."


"I thought you were kidding! I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. "Veronica had a very funny joke today." I laughed at it later that night!"


[after jumping into the grizzly bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] "I immediately regret this decision."

<<